One-eighty on the 401, blunt ash in my lapSmoke got the cabin looking cut from the mapSaid I needed quiet, really wanted no factsBy the time the road cleared, I was too gone to turn backPhone kept buzzing, every name meant stressMoney got promised, nothing landed yetDukes sent paragraphs, help tied up in debtOld shame, new bill, same weight on my neckFirst pull made the whole noise lose shapeSecond put tomorrow about a week awayThird made a bad plan feel calm and cleanFourth had me floating while I stared through the screenI called it peace when I couldn't feel fearCalled it being focused when nothing felt nearAsh hit my lap; I watched the ember sitDidn't brush it off—barely noticed itThat was the switch: not brave, not freeJust far enough gone that the risk wasn't real to meZONED OUT—DON'T CARE (DON'T CARE)Ash in my lap, smoke in the airGet high, go numb, bad call, all goneWake up at zero, then I light one moreZONED OUT—DON'T CARE (DON'T CARE)No fear felt good, so I stayed right thereStress, smoke, spin, lose, reloadSame square waiting at the end of the roadGot paid at ten, said the night was savedCleared one little debt, let the rest get playedOne wager missed, so I doubled the stakeNeeded one quick win just to cancel the acheSmoke made the numbers feel less like cashGreen became light, red became flashNothing had weight till the balance went flatThen every lost dollar came rushing right backI blamed the app, bad odds, bad bloodBlamed every hand that had taken too muchThen blamed myself till the room went blackRolled another one just to soften thatAsh fell again in the same small placeBurned through the fabric, left one grey shapeLittle black circle where the heat went throughLike every numb night leaving proof I never knewZONED OUT—DON'T CARE (DON'T CARE)Ash in my lap, smoke in the airGet high, go numb, bad call, all goneWake up at zero, then I light one moreZONED OUT—DON'T CARE (DON'T CARE)No fear felt good, so I stayed right thereStress, smoke, spin, lose, reloadSame square waiting at the end of the roadInhale.House goes quiet.Debt goes quiet.Past goes quiet.Nothing gets fixed.It just stops sounding urgent.Exhale.Phone lights up.Balance stays low.Morning comes close.I take one more pulland move the problem out of focus.Wake, check, stress, smoke, driftCall gets missed, then the whole mood shiftsNeed cash quick, find one angle, make one playTell myself the fear can wait all dayGet zoned, don't care, take chance, lose trackLose cash, Lose cash, Lose cash, Lose cashLose cash, chase cash, need cash backAsk one friend, dodge one name, sell one liePromise Friday with a straight-faced eyeMoney lands, chest lifts, whole world minePut half on red just to bend back timeRed goes black, then the rest goes tooSame old rage with a fresher excuseLight one more, let the sharp edge fadeForget the call and the promise I madeAsh on my lap while the road runs straightEvery little burn saying I noticed too lateBut late ain't here when the smoke sits thickNo lesson can land if I can't feel itNo bottom stays bottom when numb feels highSo I circle the block while the hours slide byZONED OUT—DON'T CARE (DON'T CARE)ASH IN MY LAP, SMOKE IN THE AIRGet high, go numb, bad call, all goneWAKE UP AT ZERO, THEN I LIGHT ONE MOREZONED OUT—DON'T CARE (DON'T CARE)No fear felt good, so I stayed right thereSTRESS, SMOKE, SPIN, LOSE, RELOADSame square waiting at the end of the roadMorning through the windshield.Burn mark on my jeans.Zero on the balance.Three calls I never answered.I know the order now:stress,smoke,silence,chance,loss,anger,smoke.(long inhale)One-eighty on the 401, blunt ash in my lap
